He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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