Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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