it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
