This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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