Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
