i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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