Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dicks are not precious.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
