white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
