Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
