you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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