I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
