Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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