I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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