Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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