he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
