That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize