Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
