Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
