when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Randomize
