I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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