I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize