i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Enjoy the penises
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
