I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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