you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
