It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
