how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Randomize
