she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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