Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
