That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
