God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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