So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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