We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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