you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
