i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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