you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize