meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
