If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
