would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Even my vagina gasped.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
