I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize