is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
