she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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