y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
