oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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