So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Even my vagina gasped.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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