dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
