You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
