id be glad to
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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