Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
