That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
