True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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