i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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