come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize