You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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