I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
