She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
