she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
PANTIES FOUND
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