We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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