she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
