Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
