Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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