I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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