what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
