my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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