i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
