i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
