textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
