dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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