If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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