Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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